I'm actually not your biggest fan (sorry) but my sister, Karen IS! Kaz is accident prone, funny, clutzy in a stoopidly funny way and she dances waaaaay too funky for a dysfunctional Indian gay chick who looks like she's had a hip replacement operation that wasn't QUITE successful. Rather than begging for tickets to your show in Melbourne (which, you know, I wouldn't say NO to because that would be rude and impolite - what should I wear?), I WOULD LOVE for you to prank a visit on her at her gorgeously decorated and pristine home and stay for a traditional gay Indian BBQ. Ok, there's technically no such thing but we can start one yeah?
Karen is slightly OCD (it's never been diganosed but we've Googled it and that's okay to do, yes?) and she has this 'thing' about her bed being wrinkle free. It would be funny, funny, funny for her to walk in from work and find you lying on it because I KNOW she would be torn between meeting YOU and wanting to tear shreds off you for wrinkling her rather Vogue-ish bedroom.
Come on!! You know you want to try some TV-friendly Aussie fun and Kaz is your girl!! Well....I'm your girl and Kaz is our mutual victim but that's just playing with semantics.
I have a plethora of ideas that are funny and she is worth meeting, Ellen. She's the only pathology nurse I know that passes out taking people's blood. Her antics are somewhere between Keystone Kops and Jerry Lewis and this isn't a performance, it's HER!
When she came out to my family, my Dad said (insert Indian accent here), "You know....I KNEW it. She always had big feet as a baby"....?!?!?!?!
Come and meet my sister and let her leave her mark on you (not physically because that would be more than you bargained for. I'm not asking for matching tattoes or anything although the gesture from you would be kinda nice, on the proviso she said "No" which I couldn't rightfully guarantee).
We've never been in jail (a day stay that doesn't involve an overnight stay doesn't count, I'm told) so we're safe to meet.
We don't want anything from you but to share some time and FUN!!! She has a big black Harley and she could take you around Melbourne Bayside a la Billy Connolly style (minus the Scottish accent and beard because, of course, she will shave for your visit).
She's in a very long-term and loving relationship with my sister-in-law, Tania so she's not looking for a relationship or another mother for her dog, also called Harley (she lacks creativity sometimes but then my mother has two kids who she named Sharon and Karen and we lived on Darren Road (ALL TRUE) what can you expect, really?)
Anyway, if you're keen to chuck a steak on the barbie and crack a tinnie with us, gizz a call (or email me) and Bob's your uncle (that's if the gender reassignment was indeed a success. Otherwise Bob is still your Aunty Ethel)
Lots of LoveSharon Johnston