||im manic depressive,skitzophenic with bipola. i try every day to beat the odds of living. it is not a easy task,i live to make people happy and do for others as much as i possibly can. i never ask for money. everything i do comes from the heart. i have a son 14 years old. i gave him to his father because i have a illness that prevents me from being in cold or drasticly changing weather. i get phenomnia a lot. this past year i have only had it once because of the nice florida weather. i wish to be with my son but financially i cant afford it. i collect disability and i cant make ends meet. only god knows why i keep trying to go forward every day. constantly fighting suicide in my head weighs a lot on my mind from the time i get up to the time i go to bed. im exhausted from trying to live everyday. life is very hard. i dont understand how people can keep choosing to live each and every day. depression,voices,suicide and trying not to get phenomia every day is a full time job. i have been intibated 17 times and had phenomia 27. and i cant spell ha ha. i live for other people and what i can do for them. there is a reason somewhere for me still being alive. not to sure what it is. but im still here for mys son and i am fighting to get an job and a home for us two. someday we will make it. he is a wonderful young man and he deserves better than me but he loves me. why?