The Oscars are on tonight! You probably have a lot of getting ready to do, so I’m gonna tell you who’s on my show this week as quick as I can, before the orchestra starts playing me off the stage.

The Academy isn’t the only one handing out awards this week. On Monday I’m crowning the winner of my first ever Ellen Underwear Model Contest! I received hundreds of photos of gorgeous men in their underwear. I’m telling you, being a talk show host is hard work.

Plus, someone’s gonna find my hidden ticket to Australia! I’m hiding it somewhere in North America, and if you’re following my tweets, you could be the one to find it! If you’re already in Australia, then you should follow my tweets to find out how you can be in my live shot from Melbourne this week! Everybody wins.

Also this week, bottled water is getting a whole lot sexier. Mark Wahlberg and Diddy are here together to tell me about their new project!

Somebody get me a ChapStick -- Colin Farrell is here! Whenever he visits, he always gives me a giant kiss. He’s an incredibly talented actor, but boy is he missing the signs.

My friend Felicity Huffman is telling me about her new website, and we’re gonna play a game. I love how competitive she is. I mean, she’s not as competitive as I am, but still.

The Dawg is here! Randy Jackson has been judging "American Idol" since season 1, and it’s almost time for the live shows of season 12! I’m already excited about a lot of this season’s contestants, and I can’t wait to talk to him about them.

Also, Zach Braff is gonna be here, Bonnie Raitt is performing her new song, and Steve Spangler is conducting a science experiment that will blow you away! I hope not literally.

It all starts tomorrow!