Ellen has a new weekly tradition called "Classic Joke Wednesday," and her fans are really into it! We've been getting submissions from EllenTV.com, Twitter, and Facebook! Check out the best of Classic Joke Wednesday!

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Katie
276 days ago

What did the green grape say to the purple grape.... BREATH IDIOT BREATH!!!

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mary martin
288 days ago

What did the fish say when it hit the wall?

"dam"

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Beth Harper
291 days ago

Here is my submission for a Classic Joke ....

A duck walk into a drug store and tells the clerk give me some chap stick please. The clerk say sure, cash or charge? The duck says put it on my bill.

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Paulette Belleque
294 days ago

WHAT DID THE ZERO SAY TO THE EIGHT? NICE BELT...

HA HA HA HA LOL HA HA

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Angie
295 days ago

What's blue and smells like yellow paint?

Blue paint! LOL

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Robyn Gerrard
300 days ago

Here's a classic joke, Ellen! "What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot-dog vendor? Can you make me one with everything?". Love you and your show, Ellen.
Robyn from MA

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Nancy Ann Geraths
300 days ago

Ellen, Whenever I'm sad; or in pain from health issues; I turn on your show and sit and laugh so hard that I forget what I was upset for:) You inspire me to be positive and enjoy my life to its fullest and without you in my life, it is like no humor to hang on too:) God Bless you my dear Ellen! I love you very much! Never stop your show!

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Laura
301 days ago

I wasn't sure where to submit a classic joke, so I am posting it here.

Why don't birds wear underware?
Because their pecker in on their face :)

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Cindy West-Wallin
301 days ago

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef

What do you call a cow having a spasm? Beef Jerky

What did the baby digital clock say to the mommy digital clock? Look ma, no hands!

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Charlynn Robinson
304 days ago

My 6 year old nephew told me these 2 jokes while camping and thought you could use them for your classic joke segment.

Why do cows wear bells around their necks?
Because their horns don't work!

Why do fish swim in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze!

Thought these were to cute!

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Charlynn Robinson
304 days ago

My 6 year old nephew Ahnner told me these while camping and thought you could use them in Classic Joke segment.

Why do cows wear bells around their necks?
Because their horns don't work!

Why do fish swim in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze!

I thought he did a good job telling these and they are cute!

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Jason Hanson
305 days ago

What did the mamma cat say when her baby did something funny?

"Are you kitten me right meow?"

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Carol
308 days ago

Growing up around rodeo we had to be able to tell the difference between horses.......so my brother Jack came up with a great way to tell some differences.......how do you tell if a horse is from Oregon? you lift up his tail and if there's an "o" there he's from Oregon......hahahahaha......first time I heard that I couldn't quit laughing.....it cracked me up......have a great day

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Molly
308 days ago

What's Beethoven's favorite fruit?


Ba-na-na-na-nah

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Tawana
330 days ago

What did the baby bird say to the other baby bird when they an orange in the nest?

Look at the orange mama laid (get it: Orange Marmalade)

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