Ellen has a new weekly tradition called "Classic Joke Wednesday," and her fans are really into it! We've been getting submissions from EllenTV.com, Twitter, and Facebook! Check out the best of Classic Joke Wednesday!

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Angie Tucker
140 days ago

I can't remember if I posted this before (sorry, I am getting a little older)...

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A stick.

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Jordan Gibbs
142 days ago

Why didn't the gazelle trust the cat?
It was lion!

Just thought of it!

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Ann Lousch
145 days ago

My grandson told me this one...

What did the 0 say to the 8??

Nice belt! :)

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150 days ago

Did you hear about the dyslexic ,agnostic ensomniac ? He stays awake at night wondering if there really is dog .

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Lee Martin
158 days ago

Hi Ellen!! Saw your joke weds... one of my favorite jokes of all time not sure you can use is though..Why did the walrus go to the tupperware party?? Cuz he was looking for a tight seal.lol

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Paige Ford
162 days ago

Ellen, I've got a joke for you.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?

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elizabeth dailey
172 days ago

10 minutes into your show and I'm already laughing! Love the sucker with no wrapper on it trick!

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Shawn Hunter
177 days ago

I just told my friend a joke my uncle told me a long time ago. Neither of us got it the first time we heard it wanted to see what you thought.....

If you're dancing with your honey and your nose gets kinda runny, you might think it's funny, but it's not!

Hint: it's in the last phrase. Hope you like it.

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Patti Carr
182 days ago

Here is a riddle for your classic joke segment:

The person who makes it sells it.
The person who buys it doesn't use it.
The person who uses it doesn't know it.
What is it?

A casket.

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Jann Lindsey
183 days ago

Classic Joke Wednesday: How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it!

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Dawn Schroeder
183 days ago

#1 i have a joke of the day: what did the bartender say to the horse? "why the long face"?
also i am wondering if you will ever have leonardo decaprio on your show? yummy.

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183 days ago

What did the green grape say to the purple grape.... BREATH IDIOT BREATH!!!

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mary martin
194 days ago

What did the fish say when it hit the wall?


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Beth Harper
198 days ago

Here is my submission for a Classic Joke ....

A duck walk into a drug store and tells the clerk give me some chap stick please. The clerk say sure, cash or charge? The duck says put it on my bill.

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Paulette Belleque
200 days ago



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