Ellen has a new weekly tradition called "Classic Joke Tuesday," and her fans are really into it! We've been getting submissions from EllenTV.com, Twitter, and Facebook! Check out the best of Classic Joke Tuesday!
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Two Jokes for Tuesday:
1) I took my dog to the vet, concerned that everytime the dog hears a bell, he goes and sits in the corner. The vet said it was natural for him to do that, because "He is a Boxer" Budumpump.
2) A budy of mine (Hank )was out hunting with another buddy when he accidentally shot him. Frantically, he called 911 and told them he thinks he has killed his friend while hunting; explaining how the accident happened. The 911 operator encouraged Hank to calm down, saying, well - first, what you need to is make sure your friend is actually dead. Hank told the operator to hold, following which the operator heard two quick gun-shot blasts. A few seconds later, Hank returned to the phone and told the operator "Yes, ok, I made sure; now what?"
Two Jokes for Tuesday:
1) I took my dog to the Vet, due to my concern that whenever he hears a bell ring, he goes and sits in the corner. The Vet said "It is natural behavior, because he is a Boxer".
2) My buddy, (Hank) went hunting with another buddy and accidentally shot him. Frantically, Hank called 911 and told the operator that he shot and thinks he killed his hunting partner; explaining how it happened. The 911 operator tried to calm Hank down and told him, well, first, you need to make sure he's actually dead. While waiting for Hank's response, the operator heard two gun-shot blasts. Then, moments later, Hank came back on the phone and said "Yes, I'm sure of it, now what?"
Why do eskimos wash their clothes in "Tide" ??
Because It's too cold out Tide....
Classic joke Tuesday. When I got up this morning I went to the kitchen, and swatted the flies that were there. When my wife got up she asked if I had gotten any of the flies. I said yes two males, and three females. She looked at me, and asked how did you know that? I told her there were two males on the empty beer can, and three on the telephone !!!
Love your classic jokes!
Did you know God meant to make two Yogis. But he made a BOO BOO!
Love your classic jokes!
Did you know God meant to make two Yogis. But he made a BOO BOO!
Heres a joke for your classic joke Tuesday.
Did you hear about the fellow who stole the calendar? HE GOT 12 MONTHS
Why are policeman so strong? BECAUSE THEY ARE ALWAYS HOLDING UP TRAFFIC
Like Matthew Perry's jokes, that really aren't jokes, I have a good one that my grandfather told me when I was 8 years old. I thought it was hilarious. Here it is:
This guy has a banana in his ear, and he goes up to the bus driver and the bus driver says, "Hey man, why do you have a banana in your ear?" And the man says, "What? I can't hear you! I have a banana in my ear."
So random! Can you share this with Ellen? I would love to hear this on her show.
Do you know how to make a kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!
If you mix a ****er spaniel, a poodle, and a ghost you get a ****a-poodle-boo! or a rooster!
The answer to your joke for tuesday 4/9/2013 is a ****erpoodleboo. I like that one Ellen
****a-poodle-boo
I got it! a ****er-poodle-boo!
In answer to: What do u get when u cross an alien, a spaniel, and a poodle?
An out of this world being with stinky ears and bad teeth.
In other words, a loving dawg. (Who needs to see the Vet.)
Give me a break....Ellen. You are going to have a Tuesday joke cliffhanger until next week? You think your jokes are even that funny to begin with? You need to hire new people on your staff. Your show is starting to get less and less and less. I would rather find tickets to a refreshing show, like Jimmy Fallon, before I would go see yours. It was good, in the old days, but things are not adding up lately. Like when you interrupted those 3 little science boys. You did 2 out of the three and then went to a celebrity who is on all the talk shows about the baby she didn't even carry and then you went back to that 3rd science boy. That's just plain rude. This is a direct reflection on the people that work for you.