Ellen's got a new weekly tradition called "Classic Joke Monday," and her fans are really in to it! We've been getting submissions from EllenTV.com, Twitter, and Facebook! Check out the best of Classic Joke Monday!
Why did the Indian Chief have so many hats? To keep his wigwam. -Ellen
What street does the ghost live on? A dead end. -Ellen
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman? Frostbite. -Ellen
What did the pumpkin fencing champion say to his opponent? En gourd! -Ellen
What was the pessimist's blood type? B negative. —Ellen
Why was the strawberry in trouble? He got in a jam! —Ellen
What's a pirate's favorite place to visit? Argentina! —Ellen
How did the rabbit propose to his girlfriend? With a 14 carrot ring. —Ellen
What sound does a bird's phone make? Wing wing! —Ellen
Why am I wearing a tutu? Because the one one was to small and the three three was too big. —Ellen
Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? She couldn't control her pupils. —Ellen
Why couldn't the pony sing? Because he was a little horse. —Ellen
What did the ghost say to the bee? "Boo bee!" —Ellen
Guess what I'm making for Thanksgiving. Reservations. —Lauren Graham
Why don't elephants play poker in the jungle? Too many "cheetahs." —Elaine B.
What do you give a sick pig to make him better? Oinkment. —Tabatha E.
Where do you see yourself in 10 years? A mirror. —Bailey G.
Why did the peanut call 911? Because it was a salted. —Renee R.
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because it was feeling crumby. —Emily S.
Erik S. from Falun, Sweden
How do you know if a patient is an alcoholic? If the doctor gives him a shot. —Erik S. from Falun, Sweden
What sits on the bottom if the ocean and shakes? A nervous wreck. —Connie B.
Eva S. from Phoenix, Arizona
Why did the cowboy adopt a weiner dog? He wanted to "get a long little doggy." —Eva S. from Phoenix, Arizona
Erica S. from Battle Ground, Washington
Wanna hear a good joke about pizza? Never mind, it's too cheesy. —Erica S. from Battle Ground, Washington
Alejandra R. from Calgary, Alberta
What do you call a toothless bear? A gummy bear.—Alejandra R. from Calgary, Alberta
What did the pillow say when it fell off the bed? "Oh sheet!" —Myranda M.
Jayla T. from Edmonton, Alberta
Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? Fo drizzle. —Jayla T. from Edmonton, Alberta
What was the Energizer Bunny arrested for? Battery. —David L.
The Ellen DeGeneres Appreciation Society on Facebook
What do you call a bunch of Barbies standing in a row? A Barbie queue. —The Ellen DeGeneres Appreciation Society on Facebook
Why do melons always have big weddings? Because they cantaloupe. —Caitlyn L.
Jennifer K. from Pensacola, Florida
Whats brown & sticky? A stick. —Jennifer K. from Pensacola, Florida
Beth K. from Manassas, VA
Why don't witches have babies? Because their husbands have holloweenies.—Beth K. from Manassas, VA
Liz K. from Irwin, PA
What would you find on a haunted beach? A sand-witch! —Liz K. from Irwin, PA
Beth D. from Ktichener, Canada
Why was the bee flying down the road with its legs crossed? It was looking for a BP station! —Beth D. from Ktichener, Canada
Cheryl-Lynn Z. from Wetaskiwin Alberta, Canada
What do you call a fish with no eyes? FFFFSH —Cheryl-Lynn Z. from Wetaskiwin Alberta, Canada
Becky G. from Saint Clair Shores, MI
What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence??? Time to get a new fence!!! —Becky G. from Saint Clair Shores, MI
Karen G. from Port Angeles, WA
Why was the period crying? Because his mother was in the pen and he didn't know how long the sentence would be. —Karen G. from Port Angeles, WA
Fern D. from Toms River, NJ
What do you call a blindfolded dinosaur? An I-don't-think-he-saw-us. —Fern D. from Toms River, NJ
Terri M. from Annadale, MN
What did the snail say when it rode on the turtle's back? WHEEEEEEE! —Terri M. from Annadale, MN
Kathleen C. from Lewiston, NY
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels. —Kathleen C. from Lewiston, NY
Jean M. from Holbrook, MA
What do you call a man with a 3-piece suit who is sitting in a tree? A branch manager. —Jean M. from Holbrook, MA
Mindi W. from Sanford, FL
What do you call a deer with no eyes? "No eye deer!" (No idea!) —Mindi W. from Sanford, FL
Deborah L. from London, Canada
What did one tomato say to the other tomato? Go ahead, I'll catch up! —Deborah L. from London, Canada
Karen H. from Seatac, WA
What is a frog's favorite soft drink? Croak-A-Cola —Karen H. from Seatac, WA
Krystin O. from West Seneca, NY
What did one traffic light say to another traffic light? "Hey, don't look, I'm changing!" —Krystin O. from West Seneca, NY
Krystin O. from West Seneca, NY
What is a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet? You would think it's the ARRRR but it's the sea! —Krystin O. from West Seneca, NY
Madi R. @MadiJ24
Wanna hear a bird joke? No? Well, this is hawkward.. —Madi R. @MadiJ24
Madi R. @MadiJ24
Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because he felt crummy! —Madi R. @MadiJ24
Liz Hess @Lizzy_B1
What kind of car does a ghost drive? Boo-icks! —Liz Hess @Lizzy_B1
Jocelyn Molina @its_fudge
Why is the ocean blue? Because the fish say, "Bloo! Bloo! Bloo!" —Jocelyn Molina @its_fudge
Virginia Rayment @VirginiaRayment
How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it!!! —Virginia Rayment @VirginiaRayment
Kat Race @Kat_Race
What is red but smells like blue paint? Red paint. —Kat Race @Kat_Race