It’s a full time job trying to keep our hair looking good, isn’t it? Hair can give you confidence, or it can ruin your whole day. Most crimes are committed on bad hair days. That’s where the ski masks come in. You can spend hours fixing your hair. It’s perfect when you leave the house, but, between your porch and your car, a gust of wind can destroy it quicker than you can say, “Uh, my hair!” Unless it’s in a ponytail. Ponytails are hard to ruin. They can also swat away flies much better than a bun.

Anything can mess up your hair. Humidity, different products, even different water can affect your hair. My hair is better in the city. The city has hard water. The shampoo lathers up so well. Hands full of fluffy foam. I can make a Santa beard and ice cream cones. Then I go to the country where the water is soft and I can’t buy a bubble. Soft water? They should just call it what it is. Bubble killer. I can’t even make a goatee. They should make special shampoo for soft water. Instead of “rinse and repeat,” the bottle should say, “rinse and rinse and cancel all your appointments.” My point is that we deal with so many different kinds of hair. There’s bed-head hair, hat hair, airplane hair, beach hair, and occasionally soup hair, which I always send back.

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